V-Day be one of the best days of the year.  All them hot bi-yatches in sexy clothes, giving you hugs just because--now that’s what I’m talkin’ about.  I didn’t have a date for last Valentine’s day because I’m a playa.  All the ladies be wantin’ Benjy and that’s a fact, but Benjy ain’t gonna be more’n a friend with benefits, if you know what I mean.  I keep ‘em wantin’ more.

But some of the bitches just don’t get it.  And by some, I mean Stalker Melly.  That girl’s crazy, man. She be all up in my face, tellin’ me she loves me and wantin’ to talk and stuff.  I told her “Woman, who you think you’re talkin’ too?”  But she just don’t listen to a brother.

It’s like this Valentine’s Day I was tellin’ you about.  No date, just me.  The perfect set up, ‘cause all them fine ladies was sendin’ me candy-grams all day long.  And all the others was seein’ how many I got. Now that’s all fine and good.  I loves me the candy grams, and most of the ladies stopped there.  But not Stalker Melly.  Her nasty ass kept sendin’ me text messages all mornin’.  I ignored ‘em, and she sent one sayin’ as how I was mean!  Excuse me, I tol’ her, I wasn’t the one sending desperate-ass messages every five minutes.  I got other things to do with my time.
Melly an’ me got English together after lunch.  The way she was actin’, I woulda skipped class, especially seein’ as we was doin’ Romeo and Juliet.  Only Jeeves said he’d ground me if I did that again (I call my dad Jeeves, see, ‘cause he’s as smart as the search engine.  Need to know somethin’? Ask Jeeves).  So I had to go.  An’ what’s the first thing I see but Stalker Melly, practically waitin’ by the door for  me.  

“Hi Benjy!”  She talk just like that, too.  All exclamation points.

“Hi Melly,” I answered.  I couldn’t get passed her to my seat.

“Didn’t you get my text messages?!”

“Er…no, I guess not.  Phone’s dead again.”

“God, your phone’s always dead, isn’t it?  Why don’t you get a new battery?”

I just shrug at her, and the bitch finally lets  me sit.  Just in time, too, ‘cause the bell was all about the room and Mrs. Cofax be crazy strict.